22 August 2018
I’m sleepy and tired today because of my obsession with Meteor Garden. I was planning to nap but you’re sad because of the things you don’t want to say. Maybe you realized my role in this story. I shouldn’t be the one you confide your problems with; it’s not my burden to bear. Or maybe, I should be the second one to know? I don’t know. I don’t get how our friendship works but I understand your relationship with her. Hehe but mind you, I would pick you over sleep. Always. Now, let me cheer you up.
My laptop broke a while ago because of my clumsiness. You know how clumsy I am! Hahaha. You said your classic, “ingat!”. You told me I should always be careful. Typical John Lloyd. I’m always careful around you, you know. I don’t want to taint this friendship of ours. No, I wont lose you again. I can settle with this.
The thing is, I miss you so, so much but I am having such a difficult time writing about it because I can't get past I want to hold you, not hug, not embrace, not squeeze until you cant breathe, not cradle, I want to hold you, and you'll hold me back, that is all I want today. Well, everyday would also be nice. I could go on, there would be music and the silly cheesy stuff we like, and laugh about laughing at old jests, we'll pretend we're not just wholesome kids on a bed, and boast how rough our edges are when our insides are soft like ten thousand blankets. God damn it. It’s 11 am and I miss you.
I didn’t cry when my laptop’s screen broke but missing you cracked me up. Sigh, I hope you’re here. You remind me of anything, I just don’t cry that much. Have I told you I love you? Yeah, I should never.